Filed under: how to get your teen to listen, parent modeling, parenting teenagers, parenting teens, rick zapf, teen communication, teen help, teen parenting, Uncategorized | Tags: how to get your teen to listen, parenting teenagers, rick zapf, teen drunk, teenage drinking
My teen knows the rules but showed up drunk after a party with “friends.” Do they just not get it? I’m furious and ready to ground them for the next 3 months. What should I do?
Underage drinking continues to plague parents just as it has for decades. Drinking not only is a way to escape reality but due to social peer pressure becomes perceived as the norm. It doesn’t have to be.
When talking to teenagers about their lives its interesting that they want or need to experience life on the extremes. There seems to be so little in between. Its not one beer to feel something but enough beers to be drunk or pass out. Alcohol impairs right judgement so your teen not listening to you is already fairly typical and mixed with alcohol just spells disaster. The most success I have heard from parents is drilling on one concept – call me if you drink! It doesn’t matter if it is a sip or a six-pack call me. When confronted with the drinking it is not a time to over react or preach. There’s a time for that, but this is when they need their parent the most.
So when they come home drunk put them to bed. You can’t argue or carry on a meaningful conversation with someone who’s intoxicated. It’s the next day when the communication starts and the punishment begins.
Now if you’ve read my book “How to Get Your Teen to Listen: A Guidebook to Effective Communication and Parenting” you know I’m not a proponent of long groundings let alone groundings. I hold strong to not taking away the cell phone because the cell phone not only is their lifeline but your also your lifeline to their outside world. GPS is a God send. But remember the conversation the next day is the most important. Turn the tables in your discussions the next day to let them tell you what’s most important, what it felt like before, during, and after, etc. This is a big deal and your child should be grateful they didn’t get an M.I.P. (Minor In Possession) from a cop being called. Remember, if you want them to open up go for a drive, go to their room, or give the a stress ball to play with.
Consider using the “Abstinence Contract” from my workbook, “How 2 Talk 2 Teens: A Workbook to Successful Communication” (2nd edition). This gives your teenager a chance to start fresh and maybe think twice before heading out to that next party or taking another sip. Having a reminder during the peer pressure will help, whether the contract, a bracelet/jewelry, or a text from you.
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Richard Zapf, MS
Teen Communication Consultant, Author, and Family Therapist
