Filed under: how to get your teen to listen, parent modeling, parenting teenagers, parenting teens, teen communication, teen parenting, Uncategorized | Tags: adolescents, attraction, daniel amen, expectations, hooking up, how to get your teen to listen, no fear, oxytocin, parenting advice, parenting expert, parenting teenagers, phernomes, rick zapf, sex on the brain, sexting, STD, teen communication, teen pregnancy, teen sex, teen sexuality, teenage dating, when to date, z1 publications
Help Rick, I caught my teenager online trying to “hook up” for a party this weekend. What should I say?
Well first for those parents who still don’t know “hooking up” is not the same as “hanging out.” Hooking up is having sexual relations with another person or persons just for the act of sex. Instead of it being a “one night stand” teenagers and young adults now are not even waiting the night! Teens continue to believe sex can be just sex. No emotional ties or commitments to the other. So is this even possible?
Personally I don’t think it is possible and no its not because I think it is morally wrong but our bodies are not built for just casual sex with no attachments to occur. When the brain has sex, hormones are released. One of the sex hormones is oxytocin. This hormone has been shown in bonding. This hormone is released giving birth for the mother to bond to her child. Oxytocin is also released during sex to bond the couple. Dr. Daniel Amen talks about this in his book “Sex on the Brain.” So teens in their infinite wisdom think they can outsmart hormones – NOT!
Sex also makes brain connections. Sex is argued that it is good for the body. I think sex is good for the body if you are in a committed relationship as a couple. Another part we don’t really understand are Phernomes. These are the sexual smells that we don’t think we can smell but other animals use in heat for mating. And since we don’t fully understand it I can’t say we are not affected by it.
So with teens, how damaging is “hooking up?” I truly believe it builds in the “no fear response” adrenaline junkies are looking for. It can lead to higher STD and pregnancy rates. NO FEAR! Also, how will they form an attachment to others when they haven’t experienced it positively in their teen years? Then coupled with limited emotional connections it just spells disaster.
So with your teen set down your expectations. If you don’t care you should. Now 1 in 3 sexually active teens will contract an STD. But I would hope you would care more about their emotional health than sexual health. Monitor you teen’s communication. If this parent hadn’t been they would have never known what was going to happen. It’s not an invasion of privacy when they are still a minor. But give your teen the benefit of doubt and don’t just assume. Trust goes a long way even after they have made a mistake.
Rick Zapf, MS
Teen Communication Consultant
www.Z1Publications.com
Filed under: how to get your teen to listen, instant messaging, parenting teenagers, parenting teens, rick zapf, teen communication, teen help, teen parenting | Tags: cell phones, how to get your teen to listen, instant messaging, parenting teenagers, parenting teens, rick zapf, sexting, texting
I knew there was something going on, but once I checked the history of text messages and retrieved the pic that was sent I was mortified. What do I say or do?
Unfortunately, sexting is becoming more and more common among teenagers. Sexting is sending sexual messages via text messaging. Messages often include pics or video clips too (all thanks to modern cell phones). Unfortunately, statistics are also showing little concern for passing along pics (that photos for adults) to other friends teenagers text.
Your teenager isn’t the only one being affected either. Young celebrities stars have also fallen victim to send naked pics just to keep their boyfriends interested. All of this makes it way to our teenagers to think it’s ok. While your teenager would rarely think flashing someone in public is appropriate sexting gets the nod okay. The internet or text message sucks the personalization from a conversation allowing a teenager to think its not that bad or even worse nobody else will know.
What I encourage parents to do is monitor text messaging. But first open communication about texting and your expectations just as I talk about in my book, "How to Get your Teen to Listen: A Guidebook to Effective Communication and Parenting." But seriously monitor pics that are sent through your service provider. These images can come back to haunt not only your teen but your family later. Look for a future article where I talk about three teens and their families who were the victims of sexting.
So if it is too late, it is time to do damage control and fix the problem at hand with your teenager. Remember to stay calm and develop a plan in your head instead of just reacting to what happens. Talk to a friend, family, pastor, or counselor about your ideas and take their honest feedback. But remember you are here to protect your teenager not be their supportive friend. Parents may do or say things your teenager and their friends are not going to like. But be vigilant! Do whatever possible to erase the file and its effects.
Have questions or would like to sign up for the monthly newsletter, click here. Remember, parenting teenagers doesn’t have to be difficult.
Rick Zapf, MS
Author, Family Therapist, and Teen Communication Consultant
