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Help Rick, My Teenager won’t stop texting. What should I do?
You are not alone. Texting has become the language of choice for teenagers today. As a matter of fact also for preteens or tweens. I have had many a teen in my office that parents were ready to take away the texting, because of their actions or behavior but almost all have said they’d rather not have a phone at all if they couldn’t have texting. Mom, nobody calls each other anymore.
You see the problem comes from the degree of separation from texting. You cannot hear someone’s tone when they speak and you can’t read their body language which accounts for more than 75% of their communication. That is where teens misunderstand the text, don’t ask for clarification, and don’t have to worry about face to face confrontation. I really think the last one is key and this is where I worry the most for teens and tweens today. The face to face interaction isn’t there. Its removed from texting and social media like Facebook. Teens interactions are getting a failing grade. So what is a parent to do?
First, I don’t recommend taking away a cellphone for punishment. You can read more about that in my book, “how to get your teen to listen.” Their cellphone is their life blood and connection to the outside world. You can however limit and monitor the texts being sent. Second, encourage honesty with house rules – no deletions of texts. As a parent I would be more fervent on what your teenager texts or sends pics than what friends say or do. So if their girlfriend sends a seductive pic of themself that’s one issue, but how your teen responds to that pic is where the main enforcement needs to be addressed. But once again this is where the degree of separation is hurting our teens. I had a parent just yesterday that had to address this issue with her 8th grade son. She also happened to see this teen girl at school and took her parenting role to say, “my son likes you, but the pic you sent isn’t needed because you are more than that.” The teens eyes where huge with concern and embarrassment since someone saw the pic. That is what we are called to do as parents – be parents. Finally, praise your teen for using their texting more maturely. When they text you a problem or concern, a need or want, a prayer or help someone in need – make a huge deal about it. Texting can be used for good not evil! 
Richard “Rick” Zapf, MS is an author, speaker, family therapist and Teen Communication Consultant that helps parents survive the teen years. Look for his book now at www.Z1Publications.com,www.Amazon.comandwww.BarnesandNoble.com
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New book video done! How to Get Your Teen to Listen: A Guidebook to Effective Communication and Parenting.
Filed under: how to get your teen to listen, instant messaging, parenting teenagers, parenting teens, rick zapf, teen communication, teen help, teen parenting | Tags: cell phones, how to get your teen to listen, instant messaging, parenting teenagers, parenting teens, rick zapf, sexting, texting
I knew there was something going on, but once I checked the history of text messages and retrieved the pic that was sent I was mortified. What do I say or do?
Unfortunately, sexting is becoming more and more common among teenagers. Sexting is sending sexual messages via text messaging. Messages often include pics or video clips too (all thanks to modern cell phones). Unfortunately, statistics are also showing little concern for passing along pics (that photos for adults) to other friends teenagers text.
Your teenager isn’t the only one being affected either. Young celebrities stars have also fallen victim to send naked pics just to keep their boyfriends interested. All of this makes it way to our teenagers to think it’s ok. While your teenager would rarely think flashing someone in public is appropriate sexting gets the nod okay. The internet or text message sucks the personalization from a conversation allowing a teenager to think its not that bad or even worse nobody else will know.
What I encourage parents to do is monitor text messaging. But first open communication about texting and your expectations just as I talk about in my book, "How to Get your Teen to Listen: A Guidebook to Effective Communication and Parenting." But seriously monitor pics that are sent through your service provider. These images can come back to haunt not only your teen but your family later. Look for a future article where I talk about three teens and their families who were the victims of sexting.
So if it is too late, it is time to do damage control and fix the problem at hand with your teenager. Remember to stay calm and develop a plan in your head instead of just reacting to what happens. Talk to a friend, family, pastor, or counselor about your ideas and take their honest feedback. But remember you are here to protect your teenager not be their supportive friend. Parents may do or say things your teenager and their friends are not going to like. But be vigilant! Do whatever possible to erase the file and its effects.
Have questions or would like to sign up for the monthly newsletter, click here. Remember, parenting teenagers doesn’t have to be difficult.
Rick Zapf, MS
Author, Family Therapist, and Teen Communication Consultant
