Filed under: how to get your teen to listen, parenting teenagers, parenting teens, rick zapf, teen communication, teen parenting | Tags: dating rules, how to get your teen to listen, parenting book, parenting teens, rick zapf, teen communication, teenage dating, when to date
How bad could it really be? My hormonal, attitudinal teenager wants to “go out” with another hormonal teenager, neither of which I can predict what they will do or say and I should be okay with this??
YES.
Of course the answer isn’t as easy as a three letter word because most parents are concerned with another three lettered word – SEX. So what should a parent do or say.
First, we should have addressed this before high school and even middle school. I’ve had 4th graders tell me they have a boyfriend. “But what does that mean?” Tweens and younger are looking to the older generations of what they are supposed to be doing and thinking. Teenagers, however, are looking to socialize. If they can’t do it via computer or cell phone then they want it in person.
So first you need to find out what they mean by “date, hang out, hang,” or whatever slang is used. Would it just be a group of friends all together or could it be something more?
Second, you need to decide as a parent how you will model their “dating experience.” I have talked to many a ministers over the years that encourage not dating until they are socially and maturely ready at 18. I disagree! This is a great time for your teenager to learn what dating is from adults instead of relying only on friends and pop culture to drive the dating experience. So don’t be afraid to have a group date, family movie night, or anything in between. Yes, they won’t like it especially if they are an older teen but its your job to lead by example and help your teenager make the right choices.
Lastly, talk to your teenager about the troubles of dating. Don’t sugar coat that the tears, hard days, social and sexual pressures that they WILL have to experience to grow up. And they will! Tell your teens about appropriate behaviors and what you expect from them. And reassure them that when they stumble you aren’t there to say, “See I told you so.” But instead to help make the day better.
My new book, “How to Get Your Teen to Listen: A Guidebook to Effective Communication and Parenting” has more ideas and is available here at Z1Publications.com but sign up today to receive more free helpful tips on parenting teenagers. Remember, parenting teenagers doesn’t have to be difficult.
Richard Zapf, MS
Teen Communication Consultant, Author, and Family Therapist
