How2Talk2Teens Blog

Help Rick, My Teenager won’t stop texting. What should I do?

You are not alone. Texting has become the language of choice for teenagers today. As a matter of fact also for preteens or tweens. I have had many a teen in my office that parents were ready to take away the texting, because of their actions or behavior but almost all have said they’d rather not have a phone at all if they couldn’t have texting. Mom, nobody calls each other anymore.

You see the problem comes from the degree of separation from texting. You cannot hear someone’s tone when they speak and you can’t read their body language which accounts for more than 75% of their communication. That is where teens misunderstand the text, don’t ask for clarification, and don’t have to worry about face to face confrontation. I really think the last one is key and this is where I worry the most for teens and tweens today. The face to face interaction isn’t there. Its removed from texting and social media like Facebook. Teens interactions are getting a failing grade. So what is a parent to do?

First, I don’t recommend taking away a cellphone for punishment. You can read more about that in my book, “how to get your teen to listen.” Their cellphone is their life blood and connection to the outside world. You can however limit and monitor the texts being sent. Second, encourage honesty with house rules – no deletions of texts. As a parent I would be more fervent on what your teenager texts or sends pics than what friends say or do. So if their girlfriend sends a seductive pic of themself that’s one issue, but how your teen responds to that pic is where the main enforcement needs to be addressed. But once again this is where the degree of separation is hurting our teens. I had a parent just yesterday that had to address this issue with her 8th grade son. She also happened to see this teen girl at school and took her parenting role to say, “my son likes you, but the pic you sent isn’t needed because you are more than that.” The teens eyes where huge with concern and embarrassment since someone saw the pic. That is what we are called to do as parents – be parents. Finally, praise your teen for using their texting more maturely. When they text you a problem or concern, a need or want, a prayer or help someone in need – make a huge deal about it. Texting can be used for good not evil!

Richard “Rick” Zapf, MS is an author, speaker, family therapist and Teen Communication Consultant that helps parents survive the teen years. Look for his book now at www.Z1Publications.com,www.Amazon.comandwww.BarnesandNoble.com